As one dream shatters… Another one comes true…

14 Sep

So 2012 has been a really sucky year for me!! 2012 has well and truly battered me emotionally. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse… it did! It’s been that kind of a year. I’ve spent most of the summer feeling very disillusioned (among other things…)

I’m writing this because I just want to comment on how ironic life is… So, things are not great in my life right now – things are hard; I’m generally feeling very sad. And yet things in my working life are going really well! I am seriously lucky right now because I have so many amazing opportunities in front of me and I’ve met some wonderful people who I have the chance to work with and learn from. This, right now, is the reason that I moved to London 2 years ago. To be involved in these kinds of projects. But I can’t get over the fact that it is all happening right now! When one section of my life is a wasteland and I’m feeling like I have to claw my way through each day. But then maybe this is the perfect time for all of this to happen. Maybe it’s because I need it the most.

I have three big projects that I am really excited about at the moment. I’m just going to talk about one of them because this particular one is very current.

So, this weekend I am directing a horror film. Wow. This is literally A DREAM COME TRUE for me! Anyone who knows me in real life will know this – I go on, and on, and on about horror films whenever I am given the opportunity (and a lot of the time when I’m not…). I am very vocal about what I do and don’t like in horror. If I was ever asked what my life’s dream was – it was to direct a horror film. And I am doing it this weekend!!!

Making an independent film is hard work. The budget is tight/non-existent and it is certainly not something you work on to pay the bills – it is something that you do because you love filmmaking. On The Train Productions and Crestfallen Productions have been planning this film for about a year and everyone on the team has put endless hours of work into all of the pre-production. We have visited and revisited the location, we have drafted and redrafted the script, we have planned the shot list, adjusted the shot list, re-planned the shot list, then adjusted the shot list again. We have talked and talked about make-up, head wounds and car crashes. We have debated cigarettes vs alcohol and coat vs dress. I wake up every morning at 5.40am – wide awake and stressed about something that I can’t put my finger on. I don’t think Stephen has slept properly at all this summer. On the shoot this weekend we are going to be working 12+ hour days. In a forest. With very basic amenities. There will be no phone signal, internet or contact with the outside world. Things will get stressful on set as we start to fall behind our meticulously planned schedule, or we start to lose the light, and of course the weather is a massive factor – if it rains we are quite screwed… BUT I AM LOVING EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT!! I GET TO DIRECT A HORROR FILM!!

I don’t honestly know what I am going to do with myself once we’ve shot this film… Oh wait! I do – we start on ‘post-production’…

Seriously though, I feel so very lucky to have all of the opportunities that I currently do, and I feel seriously blessed to have such amazing friends and colleagues surrounding me who have all helped me through this summer in different ways. I am so grateful to you all.

I suppose the point of this post is just what the title says, remember that ‘As one dream shatters another one comes true…’. I am living proof of that right now. And I just wanted to share that…

Mucho love x


2 Responses to “As one dream shatters… Another one comes true…”


  1. Drink! Shoot! Collaborate! | Just a Crestfallen Northern Girl... - March 19, 2013

    […] Ditch’ which I directed. Shooting this film was a MASSIVE deal for me as I talked about here. The shoot itself was a gruelling but brilliant experience. We were in a forest for the weekend, […]

  2. The Ditch – take 2 | Just a Crestfallen Northern Girl... - May 16, 2014

    […] We shot the first half of the film in a forest in Dorking in September 2012. Directing a horror film was literally a dream come true for me and I wrote about it here. […]

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